McCain is a fossil with a sexy puppet on his teeny, wrinkled hand. You flew your plane into enemy territory. I’m sorry you got caught but shit, it was a WAR. I am proud of my country and have the utmost respect for our military – just not those who use it as a crutch to hobble their way into power.

Oh, and Palin? Being in close proximity to Russia is not enough to qualify as an expert on foreign policy. What’s more, the “green economics marketing gimmick” might be kind of important to all of those unborn babies. I’m just saying.

Vote Obama, people!