May 2010


I had HORRIBLE dreams last night. Apocolyptic. More frightening than I can describe. Pain, lots and lots of real, physical pain. Sadness, loss, terrible fear, panic, grief, all of the most awful emotions one could possibly dream up. Lust, too, and definitely not in a good way. And it was LONG… felt like the dream went on for hours and hours. I’ve never been so glad to be awake. Haven’t had an intense dream like that in ages. I blame the Devil, truth be told. I’ve been praying a lot and trying to be more aware and grateful for God’s blessings. This is the only thing the Devil can do to me… give me nightmares. So yeah, it was a doozy… but that’s as close as he gets. I’m on the GOOD side!

Stuff* is really happening! Maybe my wish will come true and I’ll have the means necessary to write more, but for now I’ll have to be content with the occasional blog post. Have I ever told you about how much I love bullet points? No? Well, I really love bullet points. The lists that follow the points, that is. I think my brain is wired to function in two modes: bulleted lists and hazy, dreamy, abstract thoughts like distant, muted watercolors. Truly opposite ends of the subconscious spectrum. I have trouble putting my long rambles into words, so when they do surface, they appear like nerdy little Excel spreadsheets. Except when I go on and on and on… like bulleted essay question responses. Am I even making any fucking sense at all? Whatever, here is the *stuff:

  • I had arthroscopic knee surgery earlier this month for a torn meniscus, but when the docs got in there, they found not a torn meniscus but something called “plica”, also known as “synovial plica syndrome”.  The definition of this wacky thing is even wackier: it’s tissue that was supposed to have gone away during fetal development, but for speculative reasons, decided to stick around.  Chances are, plica will mind its own business and no one will be the wiser, but sometimes it can act up and get inflamed and irritated and cause all sorts of pain, et cetera, which is what happened to me.  So they took it out, and now I’m recovering.  Recovery is slow-going since my job as Mommy doesn’t allow for a whole lot of rest/sitting down, but physical therapy and pain meds are helping.  Hopefully I’ll be able to return to martial arts training someday and not feel old and creaky. Moving on…
  • I applied for college!  I’m 32 years old and haven’t been in school for 12 years (ouch, that was a painful realization), and it took me that long to finally decide what I want to be when I grow up.  I haven’t completely settled on the end result of what the “I want to be…” equation, but suffice it to say the field has been narrowed down and I am heretofore on the way of becoming something other than Mommy. A couple things led me to apply…
  • Anyone who has read my blog at all knows that my Mom has cancer. In helping her fight the disease, I try to cook/bake anything for her that she wants.  The disease itself has, in part, been related to her diet.  Now that she’s in treatment, certain food items have been blacklisted because of vitamin content or other concerns.  However, she has lost so much weight and really needs to fatten up.  Of course she indulges a bit, which is fine since she rarely has any appetite to begin with, but it’s a struggle to find healthy and nourishing food that has plenty of calories and fat without too much of the negative.  SO – my mission is to make her feel as good as I can, since this disease has me feeling helpless anyway, and has given me a new perspective on cancer as a whole.  If I can play any part in improving the quality of life of cancer patients through food, I can’t think of much else I’d rather do.
  • Further along the food chain comes another issue that’s been near and dear to my heart: food allergies. I’ve had a few myself that seem to have disappeared over time, but my 4-year old has been suffering from food allergies since birth (Jackson is allergic to dairy, eggs and peanuts).  Hopefully he will outgrow some, if not all of his allergies, but needless to say he’s kept us pretty busy with reading labels and menus and having confrontations with childcare workers (ugh).  Luckily, we’ve never had to use the epi-pen that we keep with us at all times, but we’ve had to break out the benadryl more times than I care to remember.  I thought that by watching my diet during my pregnancy with Liam, breastfeeding him exclusively and delaying solid foods until 6 months (and some longer, I know), I would be able to save him from a life of being the kid who couldn’t eat birthday cake and goldfish crackers.  Unfortunately, several triggers have appeared in the past few weeks, and the diagnosis has confirmed that my two boys will be food allergy buddies with the exception of dairy (Jax is allergic, Liam is not) and wheat (just Liam).  I confess, a wheat allergy has been my WORST nightmare.  I will refrain from bitching about it, though.  It is what it is.  What is also is, is FUCKING EXPENSIVE.  $6.99 for a minuscule loaf of wheat-free loaf of bread?! Puh-lease! But I said I wouldn’t bitch, and I won’t, because all of these diet-related maladies have lead me to pursue a career in Nutritional Science…
  • If I am accepted, I’m expecting to be, I will begin my studies toward a degree as a Dietary Technician in the Fall.  It’s an Associates Degree program, but the only one in the state certified by the American Dietetic Association.  If I love it, I’ll keep on keepin’ on and one day become a Registered Dietician (or Nutritionist, if you will).  I’m happy about this path.  I’ve toyed with enrolling in culinary school for about a decade now, but I never wanted to work in a restaurant.  I couldn’t see the point of investing all of that time, money and energy into culinary school if I wasn’t willing to spend time at the bottom rung of the ladder, getting dirty and sweaty in some restaurant’s kitchen or catering hall.  I will always have a deep passion for fine dining, and even not-so-fine dining.  I’ll always be a foodie…but someday I’ll just be helping people live better in terms of food.  Rather than simply placing “good eats” in front of them, I’ll be able to help them.  How cool is that?  Very cool, I think! Don’t get me wrong, I will still put butter in my mashed potatoes and still churn out hundreds of Christmas cookies every year. And then there’s bacon (Say it with me: Mmmm… bacon…) But woo hoo I finally have a PLAN!  I am 75% Type A, I need a plan.  I’m psyched, really.
  • My third and final session of my back tattoo will be completed on June 4th.  Hooray!

So that’s what’s happening.  Bullet points are supposed to be succinct, aren’t they?  Oh well.  Thanks for reading!