quotes and lyrics


I have a boatload of things going on in my life right now and I am really praying for time, energy and motivation to get them all blogged-about. My grammar is SO bad today. I’m sorry. Fuck it. I have a four-year old chattering in my ear and slamming doors, and repeating himself, and I really should keep a close eye on my 9-month old who is skittering around on the floor but all I really want to do is astral project myself to a tropical oasis with that hot Orthopedist I met today, an ice cold caipirinha and a fabulously trashy novel. Erm, um… leave off that last part (it doesn’t have to be trashy).

I did want to throw this quote up here in the meantime. Despite the madness (and it IS madness), my babies are my life and my every breath and I love them more than all of the hot doctors put together in one big room all armed with various different tequila-laden cold beverages and brand new prescription pads…

I doubt if anyone of any tenderness or imagination can see the hand of a child and not be a little frightened of it. It is awful to think of the essential human energy moving so tiny a thing; it is like imagining that human nature could live in the wing of a butterfly or the leaf of a tree. When we look upon lives so human and yet so small, we feel the same kind of obligation to these creatures that God might feel. – G.K. Chesterton

Thank you for being alive, Jackson and Liam. Mommy loves you, even though you drive her to the brink of insanity.

Haven’t posted a song in a while!  This is a good’ern.  “Oh Brilliance” by Frente!  Bringing it back to the 90’s, folks…  you can give it a listen here.

Hesitation’s dangerous
You move while you taste dust
Life is coming for us
and it laughs at resistance
Flawless you are in the distance
Oh, Brilliance shall we dance?
You love like your under cameras
Photography will damn us
I think that you think that you’re famous
If you’re alive you just have to be fearless
Light me some serious steps
To burn in this meaninglessness
We twist, trip, turn
But our lives just repeat us
Is it all we can be
just to be us
And no one uncovers any
Original sincerity
We just dance with our history
A pity what it should be
Here comes the silence to kill me
Yesterday I noticed I love you
I’m holding my life like a weapon above
you

I have no more words, I’ve spent them
If we wanna dance, we’ll have to invent them
Are we stuffing the nothing with this
Sometimes we dream we’re imagining it it
All that is real is the spin and the swing of the sea


From BlameItOnTheVoices:

  1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
  2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
  5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
  6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
  7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
  8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
  9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
  10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

“last” – nine inch nails.
funny how some songs still have meaning to me more than 15 years later…

gave up trying to figure it out but my head got lost along the way
worn out from giving it up my soul I pissed it all away
still stings these shattered nerves
pigs we get what pigs deserve
I’m going all the way down I’m leaving today
come come come on you’ve gotta fill me up
come come gotta let me inside of you
come come come on you’re gotta fix me up
come come gotta let me inside of you
still feel it all slipping away but it doesn’t matter anymore
everybody’s still chipping away but it doesn’t matter anymore
look through these blackened eyes
you’ll see ten thousand lies
my lips may promise but my heart is a whore
come come come on you’ve gotta fill me up
come come gotta let me inside of you
come come come on you’re gotta fix me up
come come gotta let me get through to you
this isn’t meant to last
this is for right now
I know it’s all getting away it comes to me as no surprise
I know what’s coming to me is never going to arrive
fresh blood through tired skin
new sweat to drown me in
dress up this rotten carcass just to make it look alive
come come come on you’ve gotta fill me up
come come gotta let me inside of you
come come come on you’re gotta fix me up
come come gotta let me get through to you
this isn’t meant to last
this is for right now
I wish I could put the blame on you
I want you to make me
I want you to take me
I want you to break me
then I want you to throw me away

You’ve been around enough to know
That if I want to leave, you better let me go
Because I take full advantage of every man I meet
I get away almost every day
With what the girls call, what the girls call
What the girls call, the girls call murder

You’ve been around enough to see
That if you think you’re it, you better check with me
Because I take full advantage of every man I meet
I get away almost every day
With what the girls call, what the girls call
What the girls call, the girls call murder

I’ve been searching for this poem for years.  I had it handwritten in an old journal of mine from college, and I remember copying it from a book that my roommate had at the time.  I stopped looking for it eventually, but just a few minutes ago something told me to google it again (curiously, i found a few different translations as the original was written in French).  I’m happy to say it doesn’t literally translate as perfectly for me anymore, but the words you’re about to read completely defined me for a very long, very sad time. I’m glad those days are over but I still see the beauty in this poem:

I’ve dreamed of you so much that you’re losing your reality.
Is it already too late for me to embrace your literal, living and breathing
physical body and to kiss that mouth which is the birthplace of that voice which is
so dear to me?
I’ve dreamed of you so much that my arms–which have become accustomed to
lying crossed upon my own chest after attempting to encircle your
shadow–might not be able to unfold again to embrace the contours of your
literal form, perhaps
So that coming face-to-face with the actual incarnation of what has haunted me
and ruled me and dominated my life for so many days and years
Might very well turn me into a shadow.
Oh equilibriums of the emotional scales!
I’ve dreamed of you so much that it might be too late for me to ever wake up
again.
I sleep on my feet, body confronting all the usual phenomena of life and love
and yet when it comes to you–you, the only being on the planet who matters to me
now– I can no more touch your face and lips than I can those of the next random
passerby.
I’ve dreamed of you so much, have walked and talked and slept so much with
your phantom presence that perhaps the only thing left for me to do now
Is to become a phantom among phantoms, a shadow a hundred times more shadowy
than that shifting shape which moves and which will go on moving,
stepping lightly and happily across the sundial of your life.

i don’t even really want to recap it.  i had an extremely intense dream about being very physical (not exactly sexual) with the only man i feel i ever truly, deeply, passionately loved.  who i can’t have.  who won’t even talk to me anymore.  it felt so real that when i awoke into reality……. ugh, it was just so fucking painful.  i’ll let some Morrissey lyrics do the talking for me now:

Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

Last night I felt
Real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

So, tell me how long
Before the last one ?
And tell me how long
Before the right one ?

The story is old – I KNOW
But it goes on
The story is old – I KNOW
But it goes on

Oh, GOES ON
And on
Oh, goes on
And on

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